So long September



To be blunt, September was totally shit. 

I have spent the majority of September stressed out and sad, constant tension headaches and mouth clenching - a new one for me. I am overwhelmed and honestly at my limit. My weekends are spent hiding, a stark contrast to the super productive Jess - the one I miss. I basically feel like my soul and energy are being zapped right out of me, leaving me feeling like I’m one crack from completely breaking down. I hate it. 

My blog has suffered, my YouTube has suffered and my IG account has suffered. I just can’t be arsed. The whole of September I just haven’t had the drive or motivation to push through and crack on with it. I’ve hardly communicated with anyone, I’ve been distant, I’ve been shit. I feel really guilty but again I just haven’t been able to summon the strength. I’ve got dozens of messages unopened and unanswered, everything at the moment is an effort.

This post right now, it’s an effort but I feel like I need to write things down and kinda explain myself to myself if that sentence at all made any sense. I also feel the change in seasons hasn’t helped. I really hate winter. I don’t suffer from SAD but I feel like it affects me. My mood switches in the later months of the year. As I always say, summer is when I thrive, winter is when I want to hide. 

In a bid to make me feel more myself, I booked some time off work and gave myself a long weekend off. I needed longer than 2 days away from work. It was well needed, I do feel marginally better but all I can think is when I get back, is this stress all going to start again? Is this just a short term fix for a much bigger problem. IDK.

So I’m giving myself the rest of September to just feel meh. October, will be a different mindset and working on my mood and how I feel. I’ve already made some changes and I’m giving myself a task a day to fulfil to get back into productivity mode. Today's task? Writing this blog post. I’d been putting it off for so long, it’s literally taken me hours to do but I’ve done it. Once I start my blogging routine again and slowly get back into it, I’m sure the motivation will come. October is going to be a million times different to September. I’m going to make sure of it. 

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