Wednesday, 26 September 2018

Hello I’m Shy

Alternative Style Blogger Foxxtailz
Yep yep you read right, I am very very shy.

I think it all stems from my youth, when my school career was torture and my peers made me feel worthless. I was relentlessly bullied as a kid, so I made sure I stayed in the background unnoticed. If no one noticed me, no one could be horrible to me. School for me was very lonely and tough and I hand on heart hated every second it. I’ve mention this before and also mentioned how I wouldn’t even want to dress in a certain way as not to stand out too much, everything about me, what I wore, what I did, I wanted it all to blend into the shadows so I could be unnoticed. From that I developed my shyness around strangers or people I didn’t know very well and brought it into my adulthood.

My friends, family, people that know me will laugh and say I am the complete opposite to shy, I’m loud and and I’m silly and I’m brash - but only in their company. To people I don’t know, I go mute. Meeting strangers fills me with dread. Having to interact with strangers, go anywhere where they will be strangers or being in any sort of social situations with a lot of strangers I hate. I panic and I get scared. I go mute to the point where I can’t get my words and fear I come across as rude or uninteresting. When I can force myself to get my words out, I find myself tripping over them and not making sense, babbling and laughing nervously and then I hate myself afterwards. 

My new plot lesson, that I’ve been going to for around 8 months now I’m still ridiculously shy, I go every Friday and I’m still not used to the people. I find it hard to join in and just tend to keep to myself, only ever daring to quietly ask for help when I need it. I also feel so silly after. I just find it hard to let loose - this feelings from school and safe guards I had coming back up.

Last year I asked at work if I could start doing weekly comms, where I stand up and present my results to the floor - thats A LOT of people, in a way of over coming my shyness. I also in December spoke on a panel for the Bloggersphere magazine. I was terrified the whole time I was up there and I think it showed but I was please I did it. I’m actively seeking others ways all the time to eventually overcome the shy.

I guess this blogpost is my confession of being very shy a people are often shocked to learn that I am.

Wearing:
Dress Cheap Monday | Jacket Pull and Bear | Shoes* T.U.K



Alternative Style Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Style Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Style Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Style Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Style Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Style Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Style Blogger Foxxtailz

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