Monday, 23 July 2018

I think Jess from 13 years ago would be very happy with present Jess

Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
So I’ve been doing a little bit of reflection, I think it’s come off the back of probably the busiest month I’ve had in a very long time. My July has been filled with a heap of stuff that’s left me feeling ridiculously giddy and fortunate and filled with those “pinch me are these really happening to me" moments. If you had told 15 year old Jess all of this she wouldn’t believe you.

I feel like this blog post is going to be riddled with disjointed sentences and clumsy words but Imma try my best at not sounding like a total wanker.

Basically my early teens were shit. High school was shit and I was very, very alone. I remember mid way through high school - the friends I had found, boys, sex, alcohol and cigarettes - I wasn’t interested in any of those things and, well, I kind of got left behind on a natural progression of different interests. I would long for the days to go bike riding around the woods in my village, have sleep overs and eat too many snacks until we were sick and going to each others houses after school and just hang out. The last 2 years at school were grim, but the summer between finishing high school and going to college was the worst. I was so alone, so sad and unhappy. There would be days I just wouldn’t get out of bed, get dressed get showered, what was the point? My friends and I had all drifted apart, mum was at work and my younger sister had a better social life than me. I was miserable.  

I was dreading starting college, thinking it would be just the same as school - thank fuck I was wrong. I found a group of friends that liked the same things as me, I was no longer alone and I really [as wanky as it sounds] became myself. And most importantly, I was finally happy. Since that summer everything has flourished, I haven’t gone back to feeling that alone, if anything life has been pretty alright. 

I think subconsciously, a bit of me has always worked to make sure I never go back to that summer and that feeling of dread. Of course, life hasn’t been plain sailing, I’ve had ups and downs but I’ve been surrounded by great people helping me through the good and the bad. But this month in particular has peaked and I think 15 year old Jess would be happy with how far 28 year old Jess has come. The loneliness didn’t last forever.

Wearing:
Top Zara | Trousers Topshop | Bag Topshop | Shoes Vans x Lazyoaf

Photos: Kaye Ford

Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz
Alternative Fashion Blogger Foxxtailz

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2 comments

  1. First of all, love the photos, and I agree. I didn't have quite the same experience of you but 14-16 year old me didn't think I'd still be alive today, couldn't imagine not hating themselves and actually getting to be who they wanted to me. I think she would be proud of who I am today because though I still struggle a lot I am myself, and I can see life past 25 and that is all I could ever ask for!

    The Quirky Queer

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  2. I love this post so much! You should be so proud of yourself you are killing it right now and are also one of the nicest people ever.

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